Iliad Poem

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Crystal waves flowed onto sandy gold.
Heavenly water rising up the beach
Cleansing the haven, destroying all anger.
It was peaceful, tranquil and beautiful.
A force above in the distance
Was building rage, anger and fury.
A dark cloud formed in the sky
And in came the force.
The wind started to gale
Waves began to battle, all looked alike.
But they still fought
Trying to claim the golden land.
Unorderly but controlled they battled
Until finally the land was not so golden.
It had been destroyed.
The peacefulness and tranquillity gone.
And the force ruled.

Reply with your thoughts please people. Would be interested to see what you think

[luceluna]

as i said to you before, i love this. evocative yet sparse with words. good stuff, and totally awesome to see you posting

FYI, everyone (and tom), this is a different Tom to mr._curly (who also posts as "Tom" sometimes). this is "bouncyben" Tom. they are different

[bouncyben]

Hey guys, this is the writer of this poem speaking - just wondering if anyone can tell me what they believe "The Force" is???

[just a girl]

hey tom great to see you posting here!!  ;D
i really liked your poem, what a great opener!   hope to see more from where that came from..  

[luceluna]

the force.... well.... it's been a while since i looked over the Iliad. i assume we're not talking about the Star Wars force

some ideas:

1) evil
2) death
3) loss of hope
4) the gods?
5) all of the above

enlighten us, tom

[dirtgirl]

Wasn't  the Iliad a Greek parable, {apparently written by a bloke called Homer (doesn't that make you wonder!  ;D)}, about the forces of good versus evil, and about man's subjugation to, and manipulation by the gods - possibly an allegory on the positively and negativity of power within relationships? And the polemics of man's eternal struggle with religion...  ;D

Beautiful poem Tom BTW...  8)

[bouncyben]

You got it Dan the man - The Gods, although now i think of it, it could represent evil as well. Nice pickup! And may i ask, who is "dirtgirl" and "just a girl"  - sorry (new to here, don't know everyones nicknames) but thx for the comments they are greatly appreciated. By the way i got 12/25 for this piece - as it was written for a schoolwork piece.

[luceluna]

i hate your school, tom. 12/25?!   i am sooo glad i got out of that place....

just a girl is alex/foxy. dirtgirl is CENSORED, a CENSORED from CENSORED

(EDIT: i removed the incriminating details. sorry.)

[dirtgirl]

wanna give my tax file number out while you are at it?!   yes, i'm in the raping and pillaging business...might as well confess all given that I have just been publically outed sans any consultation!!  

12/25...that is very harsh! Your poem was definitely worth more than that!  

[just a girl]

12/25, thats CGS for you!   i am so glad to have left aswell, CGGS that is..  

[dirtgirl]

Thankyou Dan.  As you have already sussed out else on these boards, my name is Dianne.  I'm sorry but I choose not to publically release any other information about myself, mainly because what I do professionally upsets some people, and I've suffered harrassment before.  Hope you all understand.

Tom, did you get any feed back on why you scored that mark that you did for that poem?  

[bouncyben]

Yeah i did Diana, the teacher basically said that i didn't explore enough of the characters within the book, as he believes that many are just as important as Achilles, and he also felt that the book didn't really have that much of an impact on me.

Oh well such is life...

[dirtgirl]

Better luck next time.    Sounds like you may need to ask more questions about the tasks set out for you, so that you answer the questions properly and succinctly!   Still, it doesn't detract from now nice your poem was.   Judging from what you wrote, I'd have to differ with you teacher though on the impact the book had on you!  ;D

BTW...the name is Dianne not Diana, I absolutely loath being called Diana...