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Post by bouncyben on Jun 2, 2002 0:13:38 GMT -5
Crystal waves flowed onto sandy gold. Heavenly water rising up the beach Cleansing the haven, destroying all anger. It was peaceful, tranquil and beautiful. A force above in the distance Was building rage, anger and fury. A dark cloud formed in the sky And in came the force. Lightning was sent down to choose; Decide the path of the waves And gold was taken from the land The wind started to gale And waves began to battle, All looked alike. But they still fought Trying to claim the golden land. Some waves were bigger, mightier, stronger While some were weaker but quick Unorderly but controlled they battled Although they still didn’t shift; And they remained the same
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A large wave resided behind the swarm Unwilling to go to battle Though then a large wave; Not unlike the one behind Was pushed further into the battle And crashed onto the sandy bank And with it came the Power And collided headlong Into another Might; Which too crashed onto the bank And the Power resided back into the ocean And now land was not so golden. It had been destroyed. The peacefulness and tranquillity gone. And the force ruled.
What you think guys?
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Post by luceluna on Jun 2, 2002 4:21:22 GMT -5
well, i like both versions. the original is brief, succinct and precise, while this one has a more mythical quality - like an epic tale is unfolding (which it is). i think they both rock, but i'd edge towards this version because of all the kickass detail you've added in. nice work
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Post by dirtgirl on Jun 2, 2002 22:14:24 GMT -5
the second version is more polished. I like it! ;D
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